this makes me feel sick.
literally hands on my stomach, cringing sick.
sick at what this has become.
i miss you and how we were.
can we please. please. go back to normal?

Baby are you down down down down down?
Down, down.
Even if the sky is falling down.
Down, down.
You oughta know, tonight is the night to let it go.
Put on a show.
I wanna see how you lose control.
So leave it behind ’cause we have a night to get away.
So come on and fly with me, as we make our great escape.
So baby don’t worry, you are my only.
You won’t be lonely, even if the sky is falling down.
You’ll be my only, no need to worry.
Baby are you down down down down down?
Even if the sky is falling down.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I said I'd love you forever.
It's a promise I know I can't break.
Because the sun came up today.
And I love you more than I did when it was darkness.
That's a pattern left unbroken.

I promise to do better.
To try harder.
To do this for you; for us.

(I will try.)
I know I can.

I said I won't go to sleep mad at you.
Or upset with you.
And it's nap time now.

Lullaby and goodnight.
I love you, my darling.

we've changed so much from who we used to be.



except not at all.





because you're still the one who breaks me.
and i'm still the one letting you.

what's in a hero?

hero. noun.
1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.
2. a person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal.


3. a betrayer?



for year after year, i looked up to you.
took your every word as though it were the gospel.
followed your example.
i wished i could be you.

i gave you my best toys, the best pokemon cards i possessed, i let you take extra long turns on the go-cart.
i kept your secrets and let you tell me scary stories even though they made me cry.


i gave you every piece of my heart, trusting you'd be the only boy who wouldn't hurt it.
because heroes don't hurt the ones they love.
heroes don't hurt their most beloved little sisters.


but you DID.
you've hurt me so badly.
i don't know why you had it in your mind that destructing our family was okay!
IT WASN'T.

NORMAL families aren't like this.
NORMAL families have christmas pictures with everyone in it.
NORMAL families spend holidays and birthdays together.
NORMAL families are there to support each other when it all goes wrong.
NORMAL families are there to witness all your proudest moments.

HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME, HERE, ALONE WITHOUT A SECOND GLANCE?!
did you even care about what you were doing, care about what you were leaving behind?



DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT ME?
did you even worry for a second what this would do to me, to us?



i don't even know where my hero lives.
i don't even know the person my hero loves.
i don't even know what my hero does for his job.
i don't even know when i'll see my hero again, if i'll see him again.

i don't even know if he was much of a hero to start with.

it was a surprise trip.
i could tell you didn't notice me across the field.
you were too upset.
i wanted to console you, hold you, tell you everything would be okay.
but i had to wait.
wait.
wait.

50 minutes passed on for 50 days in my mind.
i wanted to stop the game, running through the middle, straight into your arms.
i wanted to envelope you into me, letting you know i would always be there.
but i had to wait.
wait.
wait.

i'll never forget the look you gave me when you saw i was there.
it was a happy kind of hurt, it seemed.
hurt i had lied and told you i wouldn't be able to make it.
happy i was still there.
and i laughed when your friends made you fall.
and yet, i had to wait.
wait.
wait.

i stood at the line, waiting to fall into your arms.
but your walk was sluggish, lagging.
i didn't want to wait.
wait.
wait.

but i did, like i always would.
for you.
and scooping me into your arms, i knew, as i always had,
you are worth the wait.
wait.
wait.

a playful shove and i can't stop giggling.
you pick me up in the air, my legs flailing.
and i'm flying.
soaring.
to come down, i could wait.
wait.
wait.

but i'm always flying.
always soaring.
as long as you are in my heart.
i'll be yours forever.
take my hand.
please don't make me wait.
wait.
wait.