I don't know where we stand anymore.
You've got one foot in my life and the other's out the door.
And I can't believe this is happening to me -
Deep inside I've wanted to believe that somehow,
Maybe someday there'd be some one there for me.
And I hope I haven't lost my chance.

I don't want to wake up to reality of you not being here with me.
There's so many possibilites that we let slip away.
And if your heart could speak, what would it say?
You're scared, you're scared, you're scared, you're scared, you're scared to say you love me.
I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.
Will you always stay?
You don't have to run away.

I wish I could believe in what I feel.
I've been fooled so many times before -
I don't know what is real.
Maybe I'm just fooling myself.
I've been running out of reasons to let go.
Tried opening up my feelings, but your door is always closed.
And I find myself dreaming my life away.

I don't want to wake up to the reality of you not being here with me.
There's so many possiblities that we let slip away.
And if your heart could speak, what would it say?
You're scared, you're scared, I'm scared, you're scared to say you love me.
I'm scared, I'm scared, you're scared, I'm scared.

I don't want to wake up to the reality of you not being here with me.
There's so many possibilites that we let slip away.

You don't have to worry because I'm running out of reason to say no.

-I'm scared, Hoku




And I am scared.
But fate lets these things happen.
And you saved me.
Because you're still my knight in shining armor.
I'm sorry for the mistakes I made.
Can we just start all over?

Hi, I'm Jordan.
And I always have and I always will love you.
Isn't that enough?

& I thought this was over.
but its only just begun.

"When he was quieter, I walked down into the living room & over to their jukebox. My finger ran down the choices & I thought about how love was always the thing that did that - smashed into you, left you raw. The deeper you loved, the deeper it hurt."

"'Look!' I said. 'My father used to beat up my mother! I had a husband who put me through the meat grinder & now one of my best friends has AIDS! I just don't believe in happily ever after. It's a crock of shit.'
'I know it's a crock of shit. I ain't offering you happily ever after. I'm offering you... happily-maybe-sometimes-after. Sort of. You know, with warts and shit.'"


- She's Come Undone, Wally Lamb

Just like I found you,
I may lose you.
In a month.
To a pretty house.
In the city that lives forever.
To a college.
Where no one knows your name.

No one there will know you quite like me.
Like the sigh you make when you're tired.
Or the way the littlest comments make your baby blue eyes sparkle.
Or how you burn your necklaces before you wear them so they don't itch.
Or how your music is everything to you.
Or how easily you can put a smile on a face.
Or how when i have to go, you tackle me & beg me not to leave.

I want to tackle you & beg you not to leave.

Even though you tell me you'll take me with you,
reality is, you can't.
But.
You'll be taking the most important part of me.
My heart.

You see, I gave it to you.
Did you even notice?
Did you see me place it in your hands?

I hope my picture isn't easily replaced on the screen.
I hope that you'll miss me like I'll miss you.
I hope that you'll be happy & have great friends.

But mostly, I hope you don't have to leave.

I just got you.
How could I ever bear to lose you?

But how could I ever say these things aloud?
I can't.
The pain; the tears; it would be too much.

And there's something I left out.
And I think you may know it already,
so I don't think I'll say it.
Because saying it makes it real and visible and makes me weak.
Do you know?

So here's what I'll tell you.

"It'll be fun. You'll be okay. Maybe it's fate. Maybe it's what's written for you.
This is your chance to start over, and I know it's scary, but thrilling, too.
You're tough. And you're kind. And people want to be friends with you.
You can do it. I believe in you. Plus, the house is beautiful."

Then again,
so is love.




"Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be close behind.
I'll follow you into the dark.
No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white.
Just our hands clasped so tight,
Waiting for the hint of a spark.
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied -
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs.
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks,
Then I'll follow you into the dark."