questions.

who are we and why are we here?
why do we do the things we do?
why do i make choices and you make different ones?
why are we different and why are we the same?
do we have true reasons for being alive, or are we just a figment of imagination?
is my life really real, or is this all a dream?
what is forever and where is eternity?
where does the universe end and where does it begin?

why am i here?
why do i feel love, hate, or anguish?

i hate questions.

new years resolution

Finally, an immeasurable resolution.

I'm finally going to live my life for me. I owe myself for all those years I lost.




I didn't have any troubles coming up with one this year.
This means i'm going to:
-take chances
-take pictures
-play lots
-live always
-learn new tricks
-meet new people
-find myself

i stole this from jordan. [=

I shall write to you and tell you what I think.
Want to know which one is yours?
Ask me.


1. In the last year we've been "the best of friends" and we've been "enemies." I'm not sure what you think of me anymore, but I still love you.

2. It breaks my heart that I can't be with you everyday.

3. You piss me off and somedays I never want to see you or talk to you ever again, but I know that I love you with every part of me and I could never live without being able to call you my friend.

4. You are an incompetent prick. I hope that you can live with what you did to me and to her.

5. Even though I barely know you, you make me smile. Sometimes I get online just to see if you have wrote to me.

6. I love you. I don't need to say anything else, but I love you.

7. You've been there through all the stormy weather as best as you can and sometimes it scares me how much you know about me.

8. Did you have to tell people my secret? Did you have to make it so that everyone saw me as a helpless emo girl? I'm happy to tell you that I'm stronger now, and I don't need friends like you.

9. I wish you were here. It's all my fault.

10. You make me smile. More than anyone in the whole world. I wish you'd call.

11. I don't want you to leave. You are the only person in the world who believes what happened that night. You've been here for so long, I don't know how I'll deal with you being gone.

12. Thank you. You truly brought me to be who I am and I love you. I truly do. I wish you'd understand that.

13. No, I don't want to be your friend. I don't want you to call me in a drunken stupor to tell me how much you miss me and how much you need me and how you're sorry for screwing up(or screwing someone else). Leave me alone!

14. You are brilliant. I don't know how I could ever think any less.

15. You've put me between a rock and a hard place; i don't know weather to love or hate you.

16. I could've never done it without you.

17. I'm not a whore, so you could stop treating me like one.

18. You need to stop pushing my buttons. It's not funny anymore.

19. I wish you'd tell me the truth. Stop lying to me. I know what happened.

20. What's it gonna be? Are you going to walk away without goodbyes or are you going to stay awhile?






just ask if you want to know.

Waverly <3

So I haven't written about my day in Waverly last week yet.
But now, I shall.


I went to Waverly with Katie so she could meet with the choral director person.
While she was with him, I went and "searched" for Matthew.
More like I got lost. And then by the time I got back to the chorus room, I found him.
yay!
So then he was all like "yup. school'll be over soon, then you can see everyone else."
We started walking down the hall with Katie, and BAM!
I SAW KILEBOTZ! and i was like "KILEBOTZ!"
and he was like "JORDAN!" And then there were big bear hugs!
It was exciting. And then there bigger smiles.
And CORY was there! yay!
Theeeeennn, we went farther down the hall to wait for Kim.
And I 'hid.'
And then i saw MEGANCOTTER. so i yell "MEGAN COTTER!"
and the instant she saw me, she started screaming and jumped in my arms.
It was the most wonderful greeting in the world.
I've never felt so loved.

And then there were more people all over. And lots of yelling and excitedness.
People looked at us funny. It was wonderful, for sure.
And then we went up lots of stairs.
AND ANDREI WAS THERE! OHEMGEE.
And when he saw me he was all "oh my fucking god i love you."
and more hugs, and love, and pictures.

Life is wonderful when someone loves you.

What Do I Do Now?

My heart is a hole now.
With my brother leaving, I'm not sure what I'll be.


He leaves January 22nd now. His date got moved up.
And now ... my heart is a hole.
A big empty one.

Secrets

So I'm making a post card to send into PostSecret.
And I realized that just showing that one secret to the world, has made me want to share more.
So here are some more "secrets" of mine.


1. They think I want a pig as a joke, but really I just want someone who won't leave me.
2. I told him I loved him when I didn't.
3. I only got you a Christmas present because you guilted me into it.
4. I need you. Why did you leave?
5. I'm done putting up with your shit.
6. I tried to Liv<3Strong, but I just feel weak.
7. I told him I'd give him my heart for Christmas. He hung up on me. That was two years ago. It still hurts.
8. I'M NOT YOUR DR. PHIL.
9. Everyday, I wake up and try to forget what is to come of this.
10. Everytime I hear the phone ring, I pray it's you calling to tell me you miss your little girl. I love you, daddy.


I decided 10 is enough for now.
Whew.
Sometimes sharing the pain makes it better.

Katie leaves me in 8 days; Colby in 120.

Random Fact

The other day I was looking up random facts.
And I found out that in a year, by eliminating one olive from salads in first class, an air transportation company saved $44,000.
Thats amazing.

I think we could save the world by doing things like this.
Join me?