relationSHIT.

haha. i thought that was witty.

i just am sick of boys, quite frankly.
i'm sick of the "love" that is never quite true.
i'm sick of the ice cream and holding hands.
i'm sick of all the movies and the presents.
i'm sick of the dinner plans that are broken.
i'm sick of loving someone, knowing i'll just get hurt.

goodbye

Colby leaves today/tomorrow.
I don't know how to handle that.
Theres always the fact that I can look forward to seeing him when he's coming home,
but then theres the fact that I have to do this alone while he's gone.
I want to literally punch his nose in for doing this to me, but I know that he could harm me much worse than I him.
In fact, he already has harmed me.
I'm changing.
He has harmed my emotions and who I am.
I want me back, but at the same time, that girl can't handle this.
But neither can this one, really.
Ugh.
It all is so confusing and sucks so bad.
I want someone to just come and hold me.

On an even suckier note,
in about a week, I probably won't have a cell phone anymore.
ugh.

The Bucket List

I've been pretty closed off to my feelings lately. I haven't had much of a choice because everything is so messed up and I can't deal with it.

Well, I went to see The Bucket List with Walker today. I let go of everything and just bawled. I cried so hard, like I haven't since Olivia's death. The movie was amazing, to say the least. Probably one of the very best I've ever seen. It touched me in a way that I haven't been touched by anything.

I've always had a "life list," but it's been pretty much shallow. Things like "meet someone famous" and "make a million dollars." But now I'm making a bucket list. Not so shallow. First things first:
1. Take part in a miracle.

second things second ...

2. Have faith like a child ... in anything.
3. Feel beautiful.
4. Make someone else feel beautiful.
5. Be someone's someone.
6. Learn my purpose.

Thats the start at least.